This is probably the hardest post I’ll ever have to write… I’ve been putting it off for two weeks now. Ever since it happened. I don’t want to write it even now but I have to tell you our love story, I can’t go on posting cute cricut tutorials or house projects without sharing what’s going on.
If you have read even a single post on this blog, checked out my Instagram or follow me on facebook it’s likely you’ve seen a picture of my hubby Trevor… or heard an amusing story about him. He’s my everything, my whole world and I love to share our lives with all of you. I have had a great life but the last 6 years Trevor and I were together have been some of the happiest days of my life. He truly is the love of my life.
Which is why this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. December 17th, 2017 Trevor woke up early to go into work. He wasn’t even suppose to work that day… it was his day off and I asked him not to go. I wanted to spend the entire day together at home. We were suppose to go to his company Christmas party that night though and he said he had a couple things left to organize at work first. He had been painting the office and wanted to finish the last couple touches before the party.
He never could wake up early but he managed to that day. He said he would be home before I even woke up. Instead I was woken up by a pounding on my door… I threw in my contacts and peeked out the window. A cop was standing at my door and all that ran through my mind was “what has that boy done now.” He asked if this was the home of Trevor Smith and I said yes, I was his wife. He said the words I’ll never forget “your husband has been killed in an automobile accident”
I don’t remember much else of the next couple hours, I remember asking him if this was some kind of joke (he said they didn’t joke about this kind of thing… I really wish they did), I remember running for my room to call my mom. I could hardly get the words out and I don’t remember what I said, I just remember her saying “I’m coming, I’m on my way” and I told her to hurry. I remember sitting on my bed and screaming until my lungs hurt, I remember not being able to sit on my bed anymore and curling up in his chair in the living room.
I remember calling my Dad on repeat… he had gotten in from a business trip late the night before and was still fast asleep early in the morning. I don’t think he could even understand my hysteric mumbling when I finally got him on the phone. It finally clicked though and he grabbed his suitcase from the night before and headed straight to the airport.
I remember calling my best friend and breaking down crying because she knew Trevor in a way my parents didn’t. He was her friend too, like I was. We did everything together, Trevor and I. My best friend lives in Texas now and I barely get to see her these days but she asked if I needed her to come and four hours later she was on a plane.
I think that’s what I remember most… when I felt the unrelenting need to call all of my people: my mom, my dad, my best friend, his mom, his dad. They all dropped whatever they were doing and came. Immediately they came. From Colorado, from Texas, from Oregon, from Kentucky. We’re both army brats, Trevor and I, and our family is spread far and wide all over the country but when I needed them… when he needed them… they came.
I called all of the people and then I curled up in his chair in the living room and called Lisa, my blogging best friend and she talked to me until everyone came. She wouldn’t leave me alone. Lisa who I’ve only met once but talk to every day. She is a true friend, more like a sister even though we are different ages and at different stages of life, my rock through this entire experience.
Tomorrow is exactly two weeks since the worst day of my entire life. I’m not exactly better but I’m not exactly worse. Everything is still foggy, I still don’t believe it, I still expect him to come waltzing through the front door calling me an idiot for believing this elaborate prank. I saw him with my own eyes in that casket… I know it was him and yet while my head believes it my heart is still in denial.
I miss him so much and I don’t know what to share and what to keep private so here is his story. Our story. I love you honey!
Trevor and I met in August of 2012 when we both started working at Marshall’s in Colorado Springs. He started the week before I did and when I did my orientation I met him at the register. I remember meeting him and knowing he was mine. I called my mom later that night and told her I met this awesome guy and she said to take it slow, but I knew. I checked the schedule every day for two weeks looking for the first time we would work together and when I finally saw a shift together I was so excited. I dressed up for work that day and we spent the night just talking and laughing.
I was assigned to women’s accessories and he was assigned to women’s shoes and lingerie… which is hilarious. Either way our sections were right next to each other and over the next few weeks we became cautious friends. At the beginning it caused me great anxiety to invite him to a group movie with friends… just check out how cute he was that first night playing with Bitty! They hit it off right away, little did we all know then that he would become her second favorite person. We started meeting every night at Denny’s for a late night milkshake or ice cream sundae… any excuse to meet up after work. We would talk for hours until we had to go home or risk staying out all night.
After a month or two he and his brother James came over to watch movies for Halloween and he held my hand for the first time. I had never felt butterflies like that before… I don’t think I even paid attention to the movie I was so excited.
He still wasn’t sure he was ready for a real relationship and we had a long talk before he went on a church retreat where he said he just wanted to be friends. He left for the retreat and I cried for three days straight, heart broken that he didn’t see this going where I did. He came home after being re-baptized and said he had prayed about it for three days and he wasn’t going to be scared anymore. He kissed me for the first time that night and my heart went from broken to healed soooo quickly.
We never even “officially” said we were dating but every day after that our late night talks moved to my apartment and we would spend hours together talking on the couch or listening to music together. On November 15, 2012 he took me to a midnight release of twilight and was so tired afterwards that he slept on my couch… I was scared of him driving home when he was so sleepy. He slept on my couch after that every day for months… we’d get to bedtime and he just couldn’t stand to go home any more than I could stand the thought of him leaving.
We’d been together for such a short period of time and yet the moments he’d go to work or home just seemed like endless stretches of time waiting for him to get back. That first night he slept over I asked him to tell me a story before bed. I never could sleep… all my life I suffered from insomnia until I met Trevor. The first night he held me in his arms to sleep was the last night I struggled. Wrapped up tight with his heart beat in my ear I have fallen asleep quickly and peacefully for the last 5 and a half years. I asked for a quick story but Trevor was never one to do things half way… if he did something it was 0 or 360… all the way.
So his stories went something like this “Once Upon a Time there was a beautiful princess named Betsy and a handsome prince named Trevor” there was always a middle that consisted of the prince rescuing the princess or her dog or eating ice cream… and he’d end it with “and they lived Happily Ever After” and he’d kiss my head and I would go to sleep. I asked him once why he told the story that way and he said that after every thing that happened in his life I was his fairytale ending, his Happily Ever After.
We’ve been through so much together… we were married May 17, 2014 and quickly moved to Alabama to be closer to my grandfather who wasn’t doing well at the time. We have fixed up two little houses and were dreaming of buying our own home some time in the next few years. Trevor and I would go on home tours and open houses for date night sometimes… we loved walking through the homes and dreaming of what our lives would be like. We wanted to have babies and grow old together.
We’ve done quite a bit in the short time we were together but we still had so much more to do. I don’t know how to live this life without him but I know he would want me to be happy. I love him so much I can’t breathe sometimes. I know there are hard days ahead and even harder nights. He’s sent me signs and I’ll keep looking for them as the days go forward. I’ll learn to live again and maybe the days won’t be quite so hard but I won’t ever forget you darling, you live in my heart and you’ll always be part of me.
You’ll always be part of us.
When I went to start the blog I couldn’t come up with a name… I was scared and putting it off because I didn’t think it would do well. Trevor believed in me though and said he would come up with the perfect name. Three days later he came in the dining room and said “you should call it Happily Ever After because that’s what we’re doing we’re living Happily Ever After” it was his dream, his phrase and he gave it to me. He didn’t wake me up that morning to say goodbye so the last words he likely said to me were “and they lived Happily Ever After… good night sweetheart” … he may not have lived forever but he did live Happily Ever After, according to Trevor fairy tales do come true.
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