It has been a long month. You may have noticed that I haven’t posted anything since March 26th and honestly? It’s May 11th right now… 8pm on May 11th. It’s been a long month.
I think the entire feeling of being alone is starting to sink in. People are starting to think I should be getting back to normal but it’s really just starting to get hard. I’ve never gone this long without talking to him, without a hug, without looking up to see his silhouette or hold his hand. I reach for him across the bed and he’s not there.
My fur babies had their annual vet visit this month and it was hard taking all three of them by myself when Trevor usually helps. My brother went with me to help wrangle them but it’s not the same as having someone else to make decisions or remember all the questions you want to ask.
Lily and Bitty are sticking to my side like glue… I think they’re worried I’m going to leave too. Jasper on the other hand was daddy’s little boy and he is so upset that his daddy isn’t here. He’s stopped sleeping with all of us at night which really upsets me… he use to sleep curled right up to his daddy and now he hangs out in the living room 24/7. I’ve even moved his elephant in there so he’s a happy camper.
I just miss him.
I just keep looking for him everywhere… unintentionally but when I catch myself doing it the whole thing hits hard. I’ve lost all motivation to get up and work on the blog and find myself spending more and more time with hands on crafts.
Learning watercolors or calligraphy is a great distraction. It’s fun and new and lets my brain focus on something simple without dwelling on the past. I’ve also embarked on a new adventure with my Mom to open an antique booth at the Highlands Antique Mall in Dothan, AL. We’ve already paid our first months rent so starting June 1st you can shop some of my blog projects, painted furniture, signs… the whole shebang.
Just look at our baby booth! One day it will be a fancy booth… I love all the pretty booths at this particular mall and the freedom they give the vendors. We’re already planning what types of walls to build and what display pieces to put in the space.
FULL DISCLOSURE: My Mom took these pictures while we were goofing around at the mall and I didn’t even think about putting them on the blog. My Mom kept telling me to be Vanna White or to put my arms out to measure the space. Don’t worry Mom, I got you.
Also this couch? It’s my spirit animal. It was already sold or I would have found a way to bring it home with me.
Trevor and I had scouted several shops last year and this one was definitely our favorite for a booth. Strangely Trevor loved to antique and would go with me on shopping trips. When we started looking for the perfect spot to open a booth we hit all the places I love to shop and Mom agrees that Highlands is going to be wonderful.
I will definitely be sharing the process along the way… I have so many pieces that I’ve been collecting over the years to go into the booth and I can’t wait to share the finished pieces with all of you.
I’ve also spent quite a bit of time this month on decorating my Mom’s guest room to be more of a me space. Since my new bed was delivered I started with new linen and moved out from there. I love my room with Trevor but using the same bedding has been hard so I’ve put it away for now and picked something completely different.
Blush, rose golds and pinks are the color of the day and I absolutely love it. I wanted something that would be completely different from anything I would have picked for me and Trevor. I want it to be as girly as possible so I can just focus on getting a good nights sleep. Nights are still the hardest since the house is quiet, the people are in bed and I’m left alone to miss my hubby.
I’ll share a post with all the details of my room soon… it’s almost done. I just have to paint a horrible green dresser navy to go with Mom’s walls.
Of course the hardest part is that it’s almost 5 months now. Next week. May 17th. You know what else is May 17th? Our wedding anniversary. The first one by myself and I’m already freaking out. I have no idea what to do but completely ignoring the day won’t work either.
I guess I’ll take it as it comes.
My cousins, Austin and Andrew, and graduating from high school May 17th and as much as I love them I’m not sure I can be around that many people right now.
People seem to make it worse. They don’t mean too but people are loud, abrasive, insensitive and I just can’t handle it right now. I take things personal that I really shouldn’t.
All I know is that I’m going to the Pandora store to pick up a special anniversary charm from my sweetie that day. I’m not sure what else I’m going to do but I’m sure it will not be fun.
I actually saw this Vegas charm online last week and fell in love! The hubs and I honeymooned in Vegas and I’ve been looking for a Vegas charm ever since. Of course, now that I found one I love it’s super hard to find.
Apparently it was a limited edition and they’re not easy to track down. I’m going to keep looking though. It’s my unicorn charm now. Pandora Do Vegas charm… I’m coming for you!
Speaking of Pandora Mom decided to watch the Avatar film this week… she’d never seen it and it came on TV. She’s still not sure about it but it reminded me so much of Trevor. He loved it and when we went to Disney last year it was opening weekend for the new Pandora ride. He was obsessed!
Miss you honey. More each and every day.
Just breathe. Some days, that’s all. And it’s okay.
Your blogs of Trevor make me cry like a baby every time. Not only because I miss his idiosyncratic behavior but I can feel your pain. I say, wow she is doing good, i’m not sure I could if I were to lose Will.
Trevor was eccentric and was easily annoyed by us picking on him in school, but, he knew we loved him like a brother. His laugh was contagious and always boisterous.
I miss him